"Bring Out Your Dead"

           Reminds me of working on my motorcycles....."Why won't you start damn you!"

Every year it's the same old thing.  I get a call on my birthday from my old pals Ray and Lloyd.  In a cheerful voice they say, "Hi Matt, this is Ray and Lloyd from Sander's Funeral Home!  We want to wish you a very happy birthday.  Remember, we're always here if you need us!"   This would be great except Ray and Lloyd just happen to own one of our local funeral homes in the city, Sander's Funeral Home. My friend Brian said don't make them made or they might bury you with a little something extra.  Like maybe a banana in your butt!

I was contemplating a dark subject the other day.  Death.  There could be several reasons for this.  First, I can't deny I'm getting older.  I'm facing the reality of having to kick some of my old bad habits, but the signs are all around me.  Let's break it down:

1.  Family.  My father has passed away, and my daughters have their own lives and careers.  My oldest has a child of her own.  My mom is in good health and aging gracefully at 79.  It's apparent we are noticeably older.   I don't "spring" out of bed quite like I used to.  The healing process, whether hangover or hangnail takes just a little bit longer to heal.
2.  Dating.  Now I am just starting to re-enter this arena.  Historically I dated women about a decade younger than myself.  This wasn't because I had anything to prove, it just seems that I have yet to find someone with the level of energy I still maintain.  So far, women near my age are set in their ways and dating me means trying to fit my ADHD brain  into a rigorous schedule.  Maybe I will be "doomed" to face the obvious.  I won't say doomed to be alone because I fit into most crowds easily.  If you have a long career with great responsibility or children still at home you may have no other choice.  Still, it seems you have to determine the amount of interaction you require.  Either you are content with the scheduled "booty call" or you actually have enough interaction to have a friendship (or just old fashioned conversation) as well as a physical connection. No matter how many "profiles" I read online saying how much fun people want to have, I don't seem to be meeting many people actually willing to HAVE fun.
3.  Passing Friends.  People I grew up with are dying.  I accompanied high school friends to attend a funeral of one of the most popular girls of my high school years.  Cheerleader, Prom Queen, if it involved being cool and beautiful she won.   She dated every manager she ever had and ultimately married an abusive, controlling spouse that put her on the road to destruction.  She died paranoid and alone as a result of her addictions, even though she had the support of her family.   An experience like that changes you.  Hardly twenty people attended the funeral.  As I looked around the chapel, I remembered the army of suitors that chased her in high school and college and yes, I was in line too.  Very sad.
3.  It's a Mad World.  Things are changing in our society.  Government is beginning to intrude on almost every aspect of our lives.  Let's face it, when a state starts to tell you what size soft drink you can have, we have a problem.  Personally, I would be more concerned about citizens' mental health.  We are creating a society of total narcissists that think the world owes them respect they haven't earned.  I think mandatory military service could solve that.  I have never seen so many people cry over such trivial things in my life.  We had much thicker skin years ago and tended to mind our own business.  It is a very selfish thought, but I often think with the time I have left, the world can only get so bad!
Enough bad stuff!  As they say, the only thing that is constant is change. They say live every day like it's your last and as a motorcycle enthusiast it's a philosophy I live by.  Of course it's that passion for a hobby that made me late for a blind date the other day.  Not good.  You never get that second change to make a first impression!  But you have to think positive.  There are evidently many lonely middle age women out there.  I just hope I can find one that can fit me into her busy schedule.
Of course I could just cruise the Social Security Office next to my employer.  Recipients get younger all the time!

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"Didn't You Get My Text?"

Too Late! My last date"texted" me that we weren't compatible!  Not even a phone call.  What a big chicken!

Well, it's been months since my last post and I have so much to tell the planet.  So many things have been happening.  First, stabilization after my divorce from the "Texas Tiger Mom" .   I am proud to say things have been looking up.  I have just purchased my fifth motorcycle, my coping mechanism.
I have been told many times I am the poster child for ADHD but exercise and motorcycles have helped me cope with the "speed bumps" of life.  I am now attempting to re-enter the dating arena, meaning I am trying to find a regular stop to tell me there are women than can tolerate me and I am attracted enough to them to be a "Good Monkey".  I am surprised to report that I have actually found a few women willing to put up with my craziness.
I wrote a post called "Mis-Match.com".  It actually was very true but as usual some force beyond my control intervened.  I actually had some unsuspecting ladies from Match.com go out me.   During these "trial runs"  I got to experience the "Blind Date" phenomenon.  Nothing gets the adrenaline flowing like the anticipation of meeting someone from the online community in person.

Questions come to mind:  How old is their online picture?  Are they really female?  Are they an extraterrestrial?  Is it another FBI sting?  You just have to take your chances.  I always keep the "Crocodile Dundee" technique in the back of my mind just in case.  If you think your date has an "Adam's Apple", then it never hurts to make sure!
The vote's not totally in but I have been teased with an interesting situation.  It's a formula that I have seen in operation for many years.  I was in a one month relationship with a woman that was very much the opposite of me.  Considering how crazy "I" am, I thought that might be a healthy thing.
I must say it was not a bad scenario.  We definitely had physical chemistry and coming out of a bad marriage with no physical affection, it was a nice change.

It may have not utimately worked out but it wasn't a bad experience. But again that's why you date.
 
As I travel this high tech "tunnel of love" I am acutely aware of  the perils of online dating.  But I am evolving (or possibly mutating)  beyond my experiences with the "Texas Tiger Mom".  The worst experience so far has been the tendency of many to be too reliant on mobile devices for a personality.  I am trying to learn from experience and try to "read the signs".  Dating online should always include some survival techniques.
Those would be:
1.  Don't date a person that values their phone more than your company.  (Sorry, I'm old school.)
2.  Technology, on many levels, can't replace the value of a good relationship with good communication.  Don't be dismayed, the Japanese are working as hard as they can.   The sex robot can crawl and may eventually lean on the sink. What more could a man ask! I even think there's an attachment for a water hose.

It may be my years in the U.S. Army but I always try to anticipate the worse case scenario....like not being able to login to "Facebook" or my "Match" account.  (Kidding)
3.  Don't be naive.  If a person met you online, then they are probably chatting/emailing/sexting a number of people at the same time.  You can be a player in the game, but you have to "win" first!  Or at least make the top ten!
4.  Texting will never be a substitute for personal interaction or even a real phone call.  I appreciate texting but realize it is just a tool.  I have just experienced the "brush-off via text" myself.  It just demonstrated how people can distance themselves from dealing with real life, good or bad.   My situation was not that serious, but it made a point of how people "cheat" with technology.  Read my post about "Are You a Weasel or a Weasel Slapper"
So, my loyal readers.  The game has started.  I may have enough match.com material to create quite a  series.

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"Back in the Low Life Again"

If ever there was a representation of the "Low Life", that would be Charlie

Well sports fans I'm back online.  I apologize for being negligent concerning my website.   Its been a traumatic few months and I have grand plans for the blog.  It has taken a period of time to adjust to my new found freedom.  I am proud to say that things are looking up.    I've been wandering the   planet on my motorcycles learning how to keep them running.  My co-workers are amazed that I ride my small BMW motorcycle to work practically every day, regardless of the weather.  Actually, my time in the arctic in service to our country trained me to deal with cold weather but not cold women like the  "Texas Tiger Mom"!
I've enjoyed my stabilization period but I feel it is time to get back into the game.  My time with friends has been great and I've have appreciated their efforts in trying to make sure I didn't "crash and burn" on my motorcycles.  The ultimate friend sacrifice of answering a call late at night to recover a broken down motorcycle or rescue me from the clutches of local law enforcement, but that's for another post.
Freedom has been grand but its time to add to the excitement.  But its time to add a fifth food group to my menu.  That would be a date!  I've resisted the temptation or in all honesty not had the inclination, and I don't think it's a lack of testosterone (according to my doctor)!  With my luck I would get a prescription for testosterone and my head would explode, just like the Arnold Schwarzenegger film "The Running Man".  I'm ready to get on the prowl and I'm don't have that much faith in online dating after my last experience.   As a matter of fact,  my friend convinced me (yes, blame it on someone else)  to sign up with Match.Com (Mentioned in my post "Mis-Match.com").  I've been on it for a while but not paid that much attention to it.  But there was one incident where a college professor expressed interest and between emails I mentioned this blog.  She was persistent in insisting that I give her the URL.  I resisted, worrying that "she couldn't handle the truth" of my past experiences.  Finally she broke me down and I gave her the web address.  Result.....I received an email complimenting me on my writing skills then silence!  Oh well, no surprise.  After reading some of this material, I might consider me a dating risk too.  No harm done.  It might take the "flux capacitor" from the old movie "Back to the Future" to get me "jump started" back into the dating scene.   I always do better in person as opposed to a picture on the Internet.  For some reason my pictures ALL look like mug shots!
I try to stay in touch with my two grown daughters.  Of course they now have lives of their own.  I just happened to dine with my oldest daughter and my grandson Preston this evening.  He is just beginning to walk.  It makes me recall the time my oldest daughter Erin began to walk.  That was a LONG time ago.  I do, however remember the sobering lesson about putting a diaper on a baby immediately after bath time!  Yes I didn't even know how to START cleaning up that mess.
Still, it was part of those life experiences that  hopefully most of us hate at the moment, but love to remember.
Still, I have much to say.  The world is changing, and I'm afraid its not for the better.  I firmly believe in the presence of cycles.  For example, global warming...yes we are definitely contributing to the problem.  I'm convinced that once it gets bad enough, Mother Earth will take care of the problem and have a "reset".  I say that that knowing world organizations like the United Nations can't agree on the color scheme of the carpet in their office much less have any impact on global warming.  Let's face it...do you think any country on the rise economically like India or China (seen it), who has people riding on the TOP of commuter trains really cares about carbon emissions?  But like most regulation, it makes money!  Face it, they are letting countries that commit the worst atrocities on committees that address the same.  Ok, that's for another post.  Keep your whining localized.

I guess the seat belt light is not lit!

Seriously, you would let our current administration let these countries charge the US for carbon emissions because they can't get it passed in the United States?
Anyway, I'm stressed but I obtain calm by finally realizing I can't fix every problem on my own.  You have to pick the battles that mean the most for you.  Take it from an ADHD mind and realize that worrying too much just has you running in circles and giving you acid reflux disease.    I remember how much it bothered me that  the youth of America can't seem to wear a cap straight just to show off some embroidery.  Then I remembered all of the strange dangerous fad toys I owned.  I guess I'll cut them some slack.
So, I've bought a Go Pro sports camera and am currently learning to use it effectively.  There is some debate on whether it will supply exciting film of my Adrenalin/ADHD fueled life or evidence for the authorities when they recover it from a traffic stop or fiery crash.  Oh well, no guts no glory!
Suffice it to say that I'm working on establishing a younger group of friends that can keep up with me because it seems active middle age women may be a rarity.  I see them on TV but not in person.  Maybe they're all at church and that's why I am missing them.  Spies....that's what I need.  Stay tuned for adventure!

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'We're An Equal Opportunity Employer"

See...they're just like US on a Saturday night!!!

(Entering Starbuck's and ordering from a "dwarf" employee) "I'd like a short coffee please."

Thanks to all that have sought to revitalize my blog since I've decided to get of my boney butt to start writing again.  This post began as a commentary on the absolute insanity of the hiring process of  some companies and the resulting lawsuits based on the unrealistic or pre-planned antics of potential applicants.   Case in point.  a "dwarf" (I would have called them a midget before political correctness kicked in)  applied for a job at a Starbuck's and won a discrimination suit against the corporation and won.  Once again my argument was a common sense one.  Think for a minute.  Should a business totally redesign the business to accommodate a demographic that makes up a very small (no pun intended) percentage of the populace?  In this case, we are not talking about a disability.  This goes beyond having wheelchair ramp or some additional grips in the restroom.  This pertains to an employees of a very popular public establishment.  Anyone that applies for a job hopefully has to know the "lay of the land" .  Meaning have some common sense.
For example:  I'm at the local coffee shop, to order a double espresso latte' and I hear a voice say, "May I help you?"  I don't see anyone.  I see a large cash register and a pile of merchandise for sale.  I think to myself, "Wow, a talking cash register, cool."  Then this little hat starts to move.  And I see it attached to a "little person".  Of course in the 1980's they would be called midgets.  I mean calling someone "little" could just be a reference to a person slightly shorter than normal.    I must say, political correctness makes things much more complicated than it needs to be.

 My example is founded over a story concerning a cash settlement made by a "little person or dwarf in this case" getting fired after working a trial period at a Starbuck's coffee shop.  They claimed they were discriminated against.  I had to think about this for a while.  I know the "trivial lawsuit thing" has been running rampant for years but this caught my attention.  First of all, they HIRED the person.  The story states that she was hired by the store for only a trial period.  Working in the service industry in a busy environment is a challenge even for a "normal" person.  (I'll discuss what I consider normal in another post)  Evidently the dwarf asked for a step stool.  We begs to ask the question, didn't someone, including the dwarf, consider how many things would be out of reach?  With any foresight,  I would have anticipated the problem.  I would have purchased some small "stilts" used by painters or possibly some "spring" shoes like the old toy company Wham O used to sell.  Just saying.

The perfect accessory for "Dwarf Baristas" everywhere!

These are the Kangaroo Jumping Stilts...genius!

It sounds like I'm being "mean" (ok, I am) but I consider it a reality check.  If you try to make any business compatible with every disability it would put most small businesses OUT of business.  It's better to try to meet in the middle.  If there is an understanding between the employer and the employee then you try to make the best of it.
Example:  I'm working on this post from our local "breasturant" Bikinis in Lubbock, Texas.  As I glance around at the adequately endowed staff I have to wonder what would happen to a new hire that had a modest breast size.  Knowing human nature as I do I would think they would face some embarrassment from the general public and some fellow staff members.  When applying for the job wouldn't you have the foresight to consider it?  What would even prompt you apply for the position in the first placed unless you were wanting to add to the growing problem of frivolous lawsuits in the first place.  Can you say "no brainer" or "contributing to the downfall of Western Civilization."  ?

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Aged to Imperfection

Thanks to the staff of "Bikini's" In Lubbock for posing for a group photo!

Well, this post started as another flash of inspiration at my usual coffee shop.  As I was posting another entry I once again was impressed how diligent the usual crowd of "older" guys were at staring at all of the young college students at the neighborhood coffee shop.  First thought, "What a bunch of dirty old men!"  Then I thought to myself, "Wait, I'm here writing and staring at the cute young girls too.   I'm a dirty old man too!"   It's finally happened.  I must admit, it was much more fun being a YOUNG pervert!  Of course I could also confirm my transformation from dirty young man  to dirty old man.   (or de-volution) by saying that I'm writing this post sitting at the bar at our new "breasturant" Bikini's in Lubbock, Texas.
If there is one constant in the universe it's the fact that men will be men (meaning sexually obsessed)  until their last breath.
I've actually done some reading on the subject and I must say it confirms what I already know.  Men are pigs.....true,  but the fact  is men just can't help ourselves when it comes to looking at attractive women.  It's in our "jeans".  As much as it might seem to insult some of them,  I feel deep down they appreciate the attention, that is as long as they cannot read our minds (Of course that's probably not that hard to do)  There is also the fact that we all realize we may not be getting as much attention as we age.  As the old saying goes....."flaunt it baby flaunt it!"
Wow, people are SO gullible sometimes.  I love this town!  A very attractive young bartender named Shelby just asked what I was writing and I got to show her my........blog!   She even ASKED to be photographed.  Never pass up a photo op with a beautiful girl but in this case Bikini's is a new establishment in our city.  Since we were not blessed with any scenery, a new restaurant is a crowded affair.  They actually slept in sleeping bags to get a chance to be the first to eat at our Krispy Kreme donut shop when it first opened.  Pathetic isn't it?  I didn't know how our first "breasturant" would turn out.  We are very fortunate that our city is stocked with a plethora of very attractive girls.  Question was, would they be willing to be ogled in a restaurant wearing a bikini top and VERY sparse shorts.  Luckily for us the answer is YES!  Maybe luck or "the devil"  has finally shined on us.  I envision groups of entrepreneurs banding together and opening more of the sex themed restaurant and bars throughout the city.  To be honest, after surviving the "nudie bar" scene for so many years it's actually a nice change.  If you're simply out top see scantily clad females, it's much more cost effective limiting your spending on food, alcohol and motivated tipping.  Twenty dollar table dances just depressed you and drained your wallet at an accelerated rate.  The rookies always think they have a chance to pick up a girl.  Silly Rabbit tricks are for hookers.  Plus, the incidence of "itchy and scratchy" are greatly increased if you chose to "fish in the wrong pond".    But....there was something about that "pole".   Just saying.
From my perch  at the bar at "Bikini's" I can only imagine the horror of the nextdoor restaurant "Buffalo Wild Wings".  "Wings" is a predominantly college hang out.  It's very popular with the college crowd and usually very busy.  But just ask yourself, as a college student, would you rather hang out at a big bar with male bartenders and a few scattered cute waitresses or hang with your "homies" at an establishment staffed with more skimpily dressed attractive women than noodles on a Chinese Buffet.  I foresee  many drivebys by suspicious spouses and girlfriends.  At least a nudie bar usually has a "hide site" (old Army term) consisting of a high fence, hungry dogs or monstrous "bouncer".  I can think of only three  reasons I would even consider bringing a woman to "Bikini's", the first would be that you have a death wish, it's a setup by your significant other that you foolishly accepted her offer to come here or your love life is in the gutter and you hope to get your man all hot and excited and then take him home to let off some "steam".   Never forget, beauty is only a light switch away.
Of course you could just be lucky enough to be dating a biker chick or one of my old favorite girlfriends "La La".  She saw the hot girls before I did.   What was the code word for a pretty girl again....oh yes, "Meow Meow"!  

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